The Marriage Button

I always thought it was ironic that--more often than not--people invited to speak in singles wards found marriage such a novel topic--as if it had never been addressed before. Even more ironic was these people who give advice most readily all got married before they were born and never experienced what it was like to date beyond the age of 20--let alone 25+ within the LDS faith. Marriage talks always had a little routine script to them. First, we must be identified as being single--as if no on in the congregation knew or this was a status easily forgotten. Once status has been established, we discussed how to change our status . . . . by playing the "dating game" and tips on how we can make that final touch down. I have heard just about everything in relation to securing a mate, from "take the initiative" and ask him out to "stop being so picky" and marry the first person who asks . . . . but nothing like this Sunday.

This particular marriage talk started out pretty standard. Reminders of our singleness and calls to turn towards marital bliss. But then, a living example. . . . a testimonial of a woman who took her single life into her own hands. There was a young man in the ward she wanted to marry but she was unsure how to secure his affection. After much study she decided to touch his arm just so. Unsure if this method would really work, she tested her theory on a male subject she was not as interested in who subsequently asked her out. Sure she had found power over the male gender, she politely declined and raced towards the man of her dreams. She reached out her hand, held her breath, and touched his upper arm. They are happily married to this day.

I couldn't believe it. She had done it. Cracked the code. Broken through the male mind and found the "marriage button." I scanned the congregation of fellow professionals. Lawyers, educators, financial analysts, speech pathologists...it was clear none of us, though well educated, had heard of this marriage button before. It was soo simple. Any fool could get married. Why had I not figured this out before? My friends and I had tried everything else. Dating. Building relationships. Flirting. Conversations about common interests. Making out. All this time and all we had to do was touch his upper arm??!??!!?

As soon as sacrament meeting was over, I Oprah-power-walked to the social hall to grab first dibs on one of the males seated in the congregation. I scanned the crowd. With a ratio of 5 women to 1 man, and every girl with this new knowledge, I had to act fast. Finally, I saw someone. Blonde hair, brown eyes--and an inch or two shorter than me. What was his name? What did he do? Did he like children? I stopped. Now was no time for these silly questions. Slowly, I reached out my hand, placed it in between his right shoulder and elbow and squeezed for a count of "one Mississippi". I felt his arm tense as he flexed his muscles to impress me with the results of his avid weightlifting. Yes. I had found it. The marriage button. This would be a good match. We will be married on the 4th on Boston's kissing bridge with fireworks in the background.

If only I had known the simplicity of this secret sooner, I would have saved myself years of heartache--including--my study abroad to London, getting a Masters degree, buying a condo, humanitarian work in Kenya, trips to various places around the world, swimming with wild dolphins..........having to jump out of that blasted plane...*sigh*.

In efforts so that every young woman can get married as soon as possible without having to experience other aspects of life, I have decided to leave my field as a speech pathologist and start a "Marriage Button Training Center." There, my future husband and I will offer courses to help other women secure a mate. We have already looked into getting dummies with sensors on their arms. They will be useful so that women coming to our program can perfect the pressure of the arm touch and length of the squeeze. We will also engage in research activities to perfect finding and pushing the marriage button. For example, length of time to hold the arm and the amount of pressure applied varies from one male to another. There are also issues of eye contact that have been yet to be addressed. Until then, I look forward to seeing you all at my reception.

P.S. Don't think of trying to steal my idea about the sensor dummies. What's his name and I have the copyright in the works.

I have discovered a lot of things about the East Coast.



#1. It rains. A LOT. And not just the little "drip drip drop little April Showers." It is wise to carry an umbrella at all times--or you may end up soaking wet as you try to swim to the nearest T-stop.



#2. Locals think it is really funny if you end up in a rainstorm without an umbrella.



#3. People are really friendly. I find people to talk to wherever I go. And not just little chit chat. I've had someone in Ann Taylor offer to give me their employee discount and a top executive woman invite me to stay at her house if I were ever in Paraguay for helping her translate. (but for no more than five days :-).



#4. Directions aren't any easier on the East Coast. Poor Charlotte has had to come and find me a couple of times as I have taken some wrong turns.

Ogunquit Maine

I went to both Maine and New Hampshire last night. Three states in one day....not an easy feat out west. A group of friends and I had a picnic on a beach in Maine, then stopped at Hampton Beach in New Hampshire on our way home for fireworks and sand sculpture display. I had a blast! (Despite minor glitches of missing wallets and a woman scamming us to pay for parking in free public parking zones).

First was Ogunquit for a charming picnic on the beach. Although it was the second day of summer, it was pretty cool out. The beach was covered with a fine mist that gave it somewhat of a lochness monsterish kind of feel. It was at this point I discovered "summer in New England is not so much a season as it is a state of mind." Highlights of the trip included: putting my finger into the Atlantic Ocean, fending off seagulls who wanted to eat our food, and seeing local elementary school boys fish for bass but catch nothing but crabs.

The sculptures we saw were incredible. My favorite was one of a woman taking a bubble bath in one of those old fashioned tubes with circular bar to hang the shower curtain. It was amazing the detail in the curtain and the water spilling onto the floor. Charlotte snagged this picture of the sculpture that took first place. (My camera, tragically, is no longer with us....so I have to rely on photos from others for my blog.)

After fireworks and looking at the sand sculptures, we devoured some ice-cream and fried dough. As we were walking back to the car, Tara noticed the moon rising over the ocean. As I looked beyond the beach, I saw the moon creeping above the horizon colored by the deepest shade of red I had ever seen. It was amazing to watch it rise and the colors transform as it climbed above the haze the fireworks had left behind.

We got home pretty late last night. In order to stay awake, Charlotte and I put in the soundtrack to Wicked and sang at the top of our lungs the whole ninety mintue ride home.

Amy--Cooking?!?!!???

I know....almost more shocking than me jumping out of a plane. Believe it or not I have become quite the chef here in Boston. It's amazing what not having to work during the day and someone to share a meal with will do for your cooking skills :-). This is my very first Spinach Lasagna....the other night I also made stuffed peppers. I even had to "mince garlic" for both of the recipes. My good friends Elisabeth and Daniel in Denmark would be so proud. They cook fabulous food for just about every meal! Even making homemade bread. One day.....

Amy's Skydive

Skydiving Video

I finally have my video downloaded!!! Couple things to watch for--When he first asks me if I am ready to skydive--there is some inconsistency with my body language and the words I say. See if you can guess what it is. The person doing flips out of the plane is the bishop out here. :-) I jump after him. The words I am mouthing are "holy cow." I deny saying anything else. When my tandam partner points his hand in front of my face, he is telling me to open my chute. Finally, next time I get a video skydiving, I will be wearing a long sleeve shirt to hide my "batwings" :-). You can see me jump out better on Charlotte's video. Just click on her name in the list of friend blogs if you are interested. Hope you enjoy.

Think Happy Thoughts.....

I have finally caved and created a blog with all my spare time here in Boston. I've been in Boston since Wednesday night. D.C. was a great deal of fun. See the previous post for a link to my friends blog and you can see pictures. Well, for being in Boston for only a few days I've already had quite the adventures. Yesterday, I ventured out into the city to find a swimsuit for our upcoming beach party. Charlotte sent me to the closest Target---in Dorchester--the Rose Park x 10 of Boston (dun dun dun). As I walked through the streets of our founding fathers I couldn't help but wonder---Should I be carrying mace??? Needless to say, my trip was quite the adventure...but nothing compared to this morning.

At approximately 10:07 a.m. I jumped out of an airplane at 10,000 feet--plummeting myself at 120 miles per hour (176 feet per second) towards the earth! (As evidenced by the vibrating folds of skin and cheeks).


It was truly the craziest thing I have ever done in my entire life!!! Also one of the coolest experiences. The wind is so strong, you feel more "suspended" then you do that you are falling. It's almost as if you are flying in the air. You can even control where you go by pointing your toes a certian way or twisting your arms.


All I can say is that Tandam is the way to go. I told my partner I wanted to pull the cord, but upon my shock that I actually jumped out of the plane--I forgot. (Oops!) I guess it's really common for your brain to short circuit on your first jump. I was shaking for quite awhile after I landed. I was really nervous. I had to pee about 8 times before getting on the plane and there was only an hour wait! Now I know where the expression comes from "I was so scared I almost peed my pants." Good thing I wasn't the one who's cute didn't open right. They had to cut it away and use the reserve. But I did it anyway!!! Wahoo! What next? Hmmm....



POST SCRIPT

So, Hilary--you think that was flabby? I wasn't going to post this picture, but oh well... I can always delete it. :-)



I also have a video---I'll post it as soon as I get it!