So, I have started back to work and getting back into life is more difficult than I would have imagined. I had no idea you could feel fine one second and then like your heart is in a vise the next. My brain hasn't quite returned to fully operational yet. Today I was doing artic therapy with a 3rd grader in the hall. While I was doing therapy, my assistant passed by and I asked her to go get the next group going for me. She reminded me that I didn't see them for another 1/2 hour. Realizing my error, I said "your right. I just....I'm on drugs. My brains not working." I never thought that people would take that comment literally until I turned to see the expression on my little 3rd graders face. Stumbling over my words to explain it's just an expression, I somehow managed to get him focused back as my assistant chuckeled down the hallway back to our room. Did I mention that this week is "red ribbon week" at my school---where you teach the kids to say "no" to drugs??
I can't believe how emotionally painful this process is. It's a good thing it comes and goes...I don't think I could bear it if there was never any relief. I hear that this coming and going doesn't ever go away, but just gets further between. It amazes me how she seems so close, but at the same time how much I long just for one more moment with Heather here. It's like I can't believe she is really truly not in this life anymore. It's like a terrible dream that I just can't wake up from.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Drugs and Third Graders
Posted by Amy at 9:49 PM
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Heather's Tribute
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2 comments:
Dear Sweet Amy,
As I was reading your post, I could feel my heart breaking. To loose a sister...but then I had another thought. I thought about how it must feel to loose a father...as in our Heavenly Father. I used to teach on my mission that the veil is a gift and here is another reason to add to my list. Can you imagine the personal heartache associated with loosing the presence of our loving Heavenly Father. Thankfully, he provided the veil so that we only retain a shred of that longing and aching to come home. It's strange that I miss Heather, too. I keep thinking about what we should all do together and then I am sad but when I think about how that deep longing and ache for our eternal home is now in the process of being fulfilled it makes me want to shout with joy. Someone told me when I was grieving that each day brought me one day closer to that person. At first I thought it was silly but then I realized that it gave me motivation to live each day with great joy. Every day brings you one step closer. I sure do love you little sister. Love, Amy1
It's good to hear from you again! Thanks for posting Heather's obituary, I really enjoyed reading because I never really knew her that well.
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