The Healing Island

I am in Hawaii--on the "Big Island"--refered to by many locals and "healers" as the "Healing Island." I came hear with a friend, who is a Cranial Sacral Therapist, and others who want to learn about energy work and animal communication. What a wonderful and interesting group of people! Constantly thinking about energies and the universe. It makes for very interesting conversations and discussions.

I guess I should explain a little bit about cranial sacral therapy. The theory has to do with the cerebral spinal fluid--which is believed to be the "breath of life" to the bodies central nervous system and limbic system. The goal of cranial sacral therapy is to make sure the fluid is flowing properly throughout the body. Kinks in the system can cause illness and a variety of issues. A more concrete example would be placing a kink in the Nile somewhere. Crops down stream could not be irrigated and would start to die without proper nutrients and flow from the Nile---much how the limbic and central nervous system can't function without proper irrigation of cerebral spinal fluid. The breath of life. Now, back to the island. The island and the dolphins are believed to be nature's cranial sacral therapists. Aligning and healing the body naturally through great energy work. I've heard peopel not in cranial sacral therapy talk about how the dolphins can almost take an x-ray of you with their sonar. When I went swimming with dolphins in captivity, there was a lady in my group who was pregnant. The dolphin with a baby came immediately to this woman, as if to say--"Oh! I am a mother too!". The trainer talked about how the dolphin could tell the participant was pregnant by using sonar and shared a similar experience she while pregnant and swimming with the dolphins, I find the whole thing facinating and find myself at times feeling like I am hearing secrets of the universe that all too often we are too busy to pay attention too....Anyways--THAT--in summary---is some background on why I am here and the people I am with.

Yet again, back to the island. :-) I took a helicopter tour around the volcano--the breath of life for the island. The hot lava flows of "cerebral spinal fluid" flowing to the island, adding an inch of growth here and another inch there. Day by day, hour by hour, inches of growth add up to miles and miles of land. The creative energy and force of the volcano is amazing and incredible to watch! Like seeing into our own bodys of how cells were generated--cell by cell, and every 7 years, a new body. When the island or dolphins have "worked" on you, or freed up a kink in your energy system, a common phrase is that you got "zapped". After the helicopter ride, I was totally zapped! I came home and had to sleep for a good chunck of time. Being up there was soo much more than just "touring" an island. Honesty and truth so rare were made completely visible. You could see the island's past, present, and future in the various areas of the island. Looking at the new volcanic activity was easy to see how the island was built. Layer by layer, flow by flow. Thousands of years of "inch" by "inch" molten lava flowing to the ocean. The islands past...hiding nothing as it so honestly reveals, "this is how I was formed". It is so alive! Still growing!!!

Now to the island's future. After the tour of the active volcano, we went to see the valley's and grounds of volcanoes past--in active volcanoes that have given way to green lush growth that has attached itself to the nutrient rich volcanic rock. A window into what the future could hold for the now active volcano.

Present. The great continum of constant being. Always in the present, unable to move backward or forward. We just are. So that was the helicopter ride. A meeting of past, present, and future that is so rare. The woman I went with is named Therese. She is from Norway and here for the course with Ramona. Our pilot's name was Cal.

Back to the "zappage." It's interesting with energy work how the goal of conquering a trial has to do with making it "through it". So often we refer to distress in our lives as wanting to get "over it", but often that just avoids the experience. I know I often write about Heather and the impact she and her death have had on my life, but it is such a part of me that I am still processing and moving through....probably will move through it the rest of my life. True, there are parts and times where the intensity of the emotions rise, and others where the intensity is minimal. Today's ride surfaced many intense emotions associated with Heather's passing. It seemed so strange to me. Often, I will think of her when I see something that reminds me of her--like traveling in Costa Rica, I often came across butterfly sovieniers that she would have loved, and I found myself ready to purchase them until I reminded myself that she was gone. Today wasn't like that at all. Nothing there to spark a memory...just the emotion surfacing to remind me.

Concussions, Red Arrows, and Loss

Loss. If I had to pick one word to sum up the last six months of my life I would pick "loss." I've lost one of my best friends/sister, my grandfather, I'm losing my grandma, and now even my car is considered a "loss". The compilation of it all has made me feel just plain lost. It's such a funny word. We use it on almost a daily basis. We use it for things that are simple and easily replaced. "I lost my pen, can I borrow yours?" We use it to express frustration, "have you LOST your mind?!?!!" And yet we use the same word to politely say that someone we hold dear has died. We use it in the same instance to express sympathy "I'm so sorry for your loss." Some things you lose and then find--like my keys I lose on almost a daily basis. Some things you only lose once--like my car that was totaled last Friday. And yet there are some things it seems that you never finish "losing"....like my sister. It's almost as if I lose pieces at a time--or there are just moments where I lose all of her all over again. It's funny how simple, unrelated things, like losing my car, can make me feel I have lost her again.

So Friday I was on my way to pick up little Isa to hang out for a bit where her parents went to dinner. While traveling north on 700 east, a driver got confused by his red arrow and flipped a U turn right in front of me resulting in a collision. I hit my head quite hard and was nauseous, but other wise intact. The driver of the other vehicle seemed to be okay, but the passenger needed an ambulance. Luckily, people who witnessed the accident pulled over and were already on the phone with the police. The police arrived shortly, got statements and my car was towed to the state impound. The officer gave me a ride home and Mark and Rhonda came to pick me up and took me to the E.R. at St. Marks to have my head examined. (The paramedics left before they could examine me at the scene--and my parents were in St. George.) My mom in the mean time had called Rachael (my older sister) to see if she would pick me up from the hospital. With Rachael scheduled to pick me up, Rhonda left--making sure I had her cell phone should I need her to come back.

The E.R. was not crowded so I was quickly taken to a room. Not like the many other times I have gone there with Heather and you wait 4 hours for a room. The doctor was quick to decide to get me a C.T. scan just to make sure everything was okay. As I sat and waited for the results I couldn't help but think of Heather. My experiences in E.R.'s have primarily been related to her. On top of that, I couldn't help but imagine that if she were still here, she would have been sitting right next to me. Probably somewhat freaking out for me :-). The whole experience just seemed to highlight her absence so much that I couldn't stop the tears from sliding down my cheeks. Finally, I was just so tired I feel in and out of sleep. Rhonda called at one point and I realized I had been waiting almost 1 1/2 hours for what was going to be 20 min. I checked in at the front desk and the radiologist hadn't been notified that the scan was completed so he hadn't read it yet. Shortly there after the doctor came in and said things looked good, but I did have a concussion. Mark and Rhonda offered that I could stay at their house for the night, but realizing that if I was okay to drive, I should be okay to stay at my house, I declined. (Though later reading over the discharge papers they do say to stay with someone for at least 24 hours afterwords. oops.) Once discharged, I found Rachael in the parking lot and she took me to my parents house so I could pick up my moms car to use while they were in St. George.

The doctor had told me earlier that with concussions, they ideally like someone to wake you up every 2 hours for 24 hours after the accident. I normally sleep through the night, but that night I dreamt of disjointed shopping trips with Heather and woke up about every 1 1/2-2 hours despite my exhaustion. (Hey, nothing would keep her away if she were here--I don't think it's too far fetched to think it might still be that way....)

The last few days have been spent primarily trying to figure out what to do with my car--which as of a few hours ago if officially "totaled" which brings me back to "loss." They try to "recover" this "loss" by some means. I don't think anything that you ever really loose though can ever really be recovered. I have thought so much about how to handle "loss" the last little while and feel all of my losses have left me with only one choice. That is to be grateful I had soo much to lose.

Monkeyin' Around

So, lots has happened since I wrote last. I need to be better about updating this thing. My mom has slowly been returning things that people gave Heather so they can have something to remember her by. Years ago, back when I was in high school, I made Heather a monkey bank to save her money in. She loved monkeys at the time. I remember even in pottery class people tried to be nice about how it looked. But I had invested too much time into it, so I thought it was cute and gave it to Heather anyways. She was so sweet, and though I thought she was faking it, talked about how cute it was and how much she loved it. As the years went by, I saw the monkey with the eyes of outsiders and thought it was hideous. I told Heather several times that she could throw the thing away and my feelings wouldn't be hurt. She simply insisted that she loved it and would never throw it away. I knew that she could only love it because I made it. When my mom gave it back to me, I really didn't want it. I decided I would throw it away and put it in the trash can and didn't give it a second thought. Last Sunday, I pulled into the car port with my parents and there was the little monkey sitting outside of the trash can to greet us. My mom told me that if I wanted to throw it away I should have put it in the trash. I told her that I did. (Also, the thing is ceramic, and though I was somewhat "gentle" when I put it in the garbage, it was unbroken.) We looked at my dad and asked him if he had taken it out and he said no. The only thing we could figure is that Tate (a man who has been working on my parents house) took it out and set it there. My dad called him and asked what he knew of the monkey. Tate didn't have a clue what my dad was talking about. Besides, who goes through other people's trash and takes things out like that? I have no doubt that Heather was just saying hello and wants me to know that she still loves me and is watching out for me. Needless to say, I brought my little crazy monkey home. Thanks for the reminder Heather. I love you and miss you more than you could possibly know---or maybe you do know.

Heather's Tribute

I can't believe that Monday will mark the one month anniversary of Heather's passing. It is amazing how quickly time moves on. Well, I finally figured out how to post the slide show I made for Heather's funeral. It's posted at the top of my blog for those who would like to see. Heather "picked" the songs herself. Viva la Vida--Heather told my mom that that was her favorite song shortly before she went into the hospital. The last two (Courage Is and First Day of My Life) Heather had pulled me up into her room to play me some of her favorite songs, and she told me that these two were her "theme songs". I hope you enjoy.